The other day, on the street, I came across a boy who had just fallen down with the bike. His knees and hands were injured and, around him, all his friends looked at him laughing at him. I went to put a cable, but I gave an electric and the situation worsened. Despite having her eyes full of tears, she did not drop a single one because, she explained, crying is for nenazas. After his answer, I was about to slap him so that he had a real reason to cry, but then I realized that he was not to blame.
Then whose fault was it?When we are born, a series of expectations based exclusively on our sex are generated. Sex, for those who have doubts, is not only and exclusively the act of embedding or embedding, but what differentiates men and women biologically; basically it is the set of physical characteristics: if you are a man you will have a cock and if you are a woman you will have chichi and, once a month, you will have bloody chichi.
Depending on the sex that has touched us, we will have to fulfill some roles that society has built based on behaviors, activities and attributes that are collectively considered appropriate for men or women are in the territory of the gender roles . That a skirt is considered a woman’s garment and that football is a sport for man, gender has not so much to do with biology, but with what is expected of you as a man or of me as a woman. A gender role, therefore, is the role that we all have assumed since we are young to tell us that men are male and female are women.
Why is the alpha male a limitation for men?A few years ago we could have defined virility or masculinity in a more rigid way than nowadays. For example, men would be expected to be strong, competitive, aggressive, intelligent, self-confident, not very sensitive, womanizers … all about an alpha male, you know. Luckily times are changing and things are evolving and, although there are still many differences between men and women, the limits are a little more diffuse.
Being a socially constructed concept, masculinity and femininity are evolving as society advances, but not to everyone equally, as each one has more or less marked the importance of being “a man of true “or” a real woman “. The importance given to that can cause problems of self-esteem and identity. Do I stop being a man if I do not like soccer? If I cry or I do not walk scratching my eggs, I’m effeminate? If during sex I like to have a prostate stimulated with a finger, am I a fagot?
Obviously the answer to all these questions is no! Women do not expect you to be the most macho in the neighborhood, in fact, what we seek is that you do not follow a pattern and that you are yourselves, you can go crazy watching football and then cry watching Titanic and hug another man. It does not have to be in this order. The important thing is that you remember that the male has been plugged in without you realizing it, you are his slaves and, as nothing contributes to keep him there and continue to feed him, why not get rid of him? In all cases, women are not going to be aware how much you have of a man, but we will value your own personality and your authenticity.
Try it and see if 1) you feel lighter, with less ballast 2) women have another attitude with you 3) you meet your real self.
(Many thanks to Rubén Domènech, psychologist and sexologist, for helping me write this article and for being such a little alpha male).
